If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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