I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
