Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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