I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
