dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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