Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
