Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
