wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
