I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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