The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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