I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
