i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
only you would photoshop your dick
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
