you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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