we have pet lesbian snakes
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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