with your own penis?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
