Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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