ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
