I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
