Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
