Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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