My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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