Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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