Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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