i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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