they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
cat food counts as protein by the way
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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