Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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