One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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