too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
