i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
