Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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