so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
