Don't you send me to vm
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
be right there i have to get my cape
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
