oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
40s are totally the cure
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
