Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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