before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
