Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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