the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
it's like heaven, but drunker
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
