i dedicated my morning wood to you.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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