But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
