How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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