i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
