Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Semen is not good for contacts.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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