Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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