i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
