know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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