im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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