Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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