dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
