I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
