have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
time to smoke my breakfast
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
