i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
