im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Sorry about my life...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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