grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
