remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
