I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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