I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
