I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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