Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
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I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
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