maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
