i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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