apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
