Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
