Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
