It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
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My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
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He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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