Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
