Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
