i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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