I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
