I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
being pregnant is like rehab
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
