Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
