When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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