Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
