apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
