oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
