Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
